It's baaccccccccccccckkkkkk!

The World Cup, that is. You know, those boring soccer games that everyone outside of the United States seems to take such a huge interest in. The reason, of course, is the same reason we like NASCAR in the U.S. - we've been sold on the idea of supporting one driver and his sponsor. People in Italy take their soccer just as personally as do people in Germany, Brazil, Mexico, England and even France.

But it's still a dull game. Ninety minutes of running a ball up and down the field to see a 1-0 score or 0-0 tie is not the American way of doing things. We love our 63-7 college football routes, our 14-10 baseball games and our 110-109 NBA contests.

There are some things soccer could do to make the game more interesting to watch vs. play. For one, when the ball crosses midfield, make it a penalty if the team that has possession takes it back to the other side just like in basketball. And while we're at it, let's get rid of two positions on each team, opening the field up for a little more scoring. Shrink the size of the goal if you want but right now players are bumping into one another all over the place.

Why tinker with a game the world seems to love? That's the point. They don't love the game. They love the team. Just like we don't love watching a NASCAR driver make 2,000 left-hand turns on a Sunday afternoon but we love it when our guy crosses the finish line first.

And finally, do something about the penalties like they do in the NHL. Make a player take a seat for five minutes if he shoves or pushes another player out of the way.

If any of this happens, I'll be the first to watch a soccer game. Right now, I can tolerate about the last five minutes of the sport before the flipper switches over to something more exciting like "Andy Griffith" reruns.

Tainted numbers

OK, OK. So Barry Bonds passed Babe Ruth and he will likely top Hamerin' Hank Aaron, too. But before you go jotting down the numbers in the record book, there ought to be an asterisk next to his name. Why? We all read the news and we're not dumb. You just don't go from being a 30 to 40 home-run-per-season man then all of sudden wake up and start smacking 73 of those babies in your later years in life. Bonds is a good ballplayer, perhaps a great ballplayer. But if we are going to keep Pete Rose out of the Hall for gambling - even though it was never established he bet on his own team - then we ought to keep an asterisk next to Bonds' name. In fact, we should have asterisks by all those guys who topped Roger Maris since they had more games in the season to do it, and better equipment and conditioning, too. The story on all this mess is going to come out one way or the other and when it does, we have a hunch it's not going to be kind to Barry Bonds. So let him think he has the record right now for being the No. 2 all-time home run hitter. We all know why that is so, and we don't even have to hint, hint, wink, wink or nudge, nudge to figure it out.