You're where?

So my good buddy, Dale Earnhardt Jr., gives me a buzz on the horn the other night just to see how I was doing these days. It's been awhile since I seen Little E, the last time being outside his rig at Lowe's Motor Speedway eating bologna burgers.

"You're where?"

"Hickory," I said. "You know, the home of Dale Jarrett."

"Man are you nuts? What on earth possessed you to move to Hickory."

It was a fair question, one for which I am still seeking the answer. I mean I was all set with Jason Keller and Jay Haas and a few other friends in Greenville, S.C., when I decided to walk on what was a great job for a promise of a better one a year ago. The only problem - other than the promise never turned into a reality - was that I had to live in Hickory.

"What do you guys do there for fun?" Little E asked. "Watch the grass grow?"

Oh heck, he knew. He must have ran at Hickory Motor Speedway - a small bullring of a track on the outskirts of the city limits here. I had no choice. I lied.

"Why this place is great E," I said. "We've got a bowling alley, two golf courses, a Class A baseball team that never seems to win - but you always can find a seat there - a lake for fishing if you like to fish and own a rod and reel and all kinds of neat stuff to do.

"Why just the other day, I got to wash my truck right here in Hickory in an automated truck-washing bay. Slip in eight bucks, out comes a clean 2004 Chevy Colorado."

Silence on the phone.

"Man, Mike, you need to get out of there. I've been to Hickory. Great place to raise kids, corn and the roof once in a blue moon if you can find one of the three bars there with a roof to raise."

Caught again.

"Yeah, I know. But it looked so great for the 20 minutes I was here on my interview," I said. "I guess I should have driven around the place first."

"Any chance they'll transfer you to another location?"

I laughed.

"Dale, we got choices - Marion, Morganton, Statesville and Hickory. They could - if my employers were really kind - move me to Mooresville or Concord so I'd be within a gallon of gas of Charlotte but that's not going to happen. I've been doing too good a job here and I am their security blanket. Someone told them a while ago they needed someone like me in Hickory."

"Have you thought about quitting?"

"Need another lug nut guy?" I asked, laughing.

So we chatted some more and hung up the phone because I had so much to get done in Hickory. Right after I head to the bank, I have to get my clothes washed and that's always a thrill.

Lord above, I'm in Hickory. The only problem is, this ain't the movie, Gene Hackman isn't here and we're not about to win the Indiana Boys Basketball Championship.

And the women? Don't even get me started there. It's impossible in this place to make male friends let alone female ones. Yep, Hickory. It's a nutty place.

I've lived in 12 states in my lifetime. That's a lot of places. And on top of the B list stands Hickory, which had replaced Beckley, W.Va., within two weeks after I got here.