So I sez to Barry Bonds, I sez

Hey, Barry! Nice dress. Did anyone catch the Bondsman in that women's outfit this week. Man, he sure looked hot - if you were a shipwrecked sailor who hadn't seen a human in 40 or 100 years.

But seriously, I called Barry and asked him why he was making fun of Paula Abdul of American Idol Fame. Here's what he had to say ...

Q: Why, Barry? Why? Why? Why?
A: I intend to let it all hang out this baseball season.

Q: Shouldn't you be more worried about the assault on Hank Aaron's record that Paula and her singing career which included one, I think, record?
A: Nah. I am going after Michael Jordan's scoring record. I intend to hit more homers than he scored points.

Q: But that's impossible, Barry. You'd have to live to be 200 years old.
A: And what's wrong with that?

Q: Barry, I am not about to say you took - or are still taking steroids - but you're acting mighty funny this year.
A: Keep it up and I'll kick you out of the American Idol finalists. I can do that, you know.

Um, well, gee, Barry. I am sorry. Please don't get me wrong. You will break that record and you do look hot in that dress.
A: No problem, sugar. Just get ready when I hit No. 10,000.

And that was the end of my phone call this week with Barry Bonds. No, I won't give you his number. He said he was afraid if I published it, too many guys would be calling him up for a date.